dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I need moral support for this bender
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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