This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
