yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
