Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
