One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
