I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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