you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
