Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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