I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
