i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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