I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
