Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
