Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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