he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
