No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
