Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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