I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
