You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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