This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
