wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
