If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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