it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
