A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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