Your face is a jimmy john
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
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