So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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