omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wish you could order shots online.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
