U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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