You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
