so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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