im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Farmville is her only friend.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Randomize
