It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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