Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
