just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
