I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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