Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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