Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
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Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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