My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize