We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
