whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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