About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
