the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
