why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i think i have two assholes
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
