the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Damn victory sex feels great
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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