I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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