I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
