She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
