A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
