he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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