im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
how drunk are you?
Several
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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