I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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