i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
