Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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