I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
