My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
