Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
