oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
