dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
