pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
