I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
