When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
