Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
