I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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