i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
