can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
