I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
