Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize