dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
