I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
