we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
