I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Randomize
