i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
