You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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