i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize