so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
