last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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