He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
