Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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