I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
