Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize