If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
