i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize