Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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