??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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