Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
