When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize