Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
sarcasm needs its own font
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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