I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
