Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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