i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
