I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
