dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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