Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
BRING THE BAGELS
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
