what day is it and did you see me today?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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