you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
