I hate your face
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I believe in your delicious
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