i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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