woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
