I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
