Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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