I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
