My Higher Power is John Stamos
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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