I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
