we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
