What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
