I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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