I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
