i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
