Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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