Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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