booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
