you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you had me at cake vodka
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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